Sleep Deprived

I have been sitting here at work in front of the computer thinking of what important and wittingly funny issues I could blog about while resisting the urge to shut my office door and have a nap, then it hit me and i dont mean my head and the desk.

The people i hold dear to me have noticed for some time now that i am grumnpy, snappy and very tired which usually isnt like me at all.

Thinking back it's really come on since the twins  have arrived, which was something i had issues with at the time (another blog).

I try to do a lot at once. I work, although it's not the hardest job in the world, and i come home and do the most i can for my wife, she does an amazing job. I clean the house and cook meals as much as i can because I feel it helps her out and at the end of the day i find it hard to relax in an untidy environment. And because i respect what my wife does i try to get up all night for the twins too who wake any where between just the once to 10 times a night, although unfortunately it seems to be the latter.

But there is only so much that I can blame on sleep. I hate what i have become/becomming.

My daughters miss 3 and miss 4 seem to cop the brundt of it lately. they arent unruley kids but i seem to be reacting abruptly and I feel guilty after i have disciplined them to harshly.

As a father trying to not make the same mistakes of his father i used to lay there at night before falling asleep thinking about how I was as a father that day and what i could have done to be a better dad. Lately I just dont do it because it hurts.

I dont know what to do. You dont want to speak about it because there is always someone more tired than yourself. You dont see a doctor because to you thats the last thing you want to do. But what if it is more than just not sleeping or stress.

I could try going to bed earlier but thats not something i can seem to do either. By the time the last child is in bed it's 9:00pm and then its time to have some time to yourself and some time with the wife. A cup of tea, some probably far too much social networking and before you know it youre in bed and it's midnight only to have to get up for work at 5:50 after an interupted night of twins waking almost hourly.

I am trying my hardest as a dad and a husband but lately i feel like i am failing at both and need to make some changes.

I have always loved the christmas period but lately it seems i have lost my HOHOHO. I have holidays soon and i am hoping that helps. I am going to look into some vitamins perhaps and consider some electronic free early-to-bed nights for the sake of my family, but honestly i cant see that happening either.

I just hope they realise that i love them all and there isnt anything i wouldnt do at the end of the day to be a better DAD.